Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i believe in u and ur pee
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
