Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
