Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
