I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
