I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize