Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
