Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
