did you get engaged???
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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