i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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