The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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