He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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