She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
