There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize