I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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