Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
did i just pee glitter
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
