who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
did you just send me my own nude
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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