I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
