she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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