Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
