I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
