That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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