i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
