dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
