i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
