I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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