Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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