I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
