How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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