I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
