Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
