Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
