ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
