When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize