How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
