My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize