I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
