Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
