Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
