Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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