im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
