Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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