Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
babies were throwing up all over the place
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
