No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
