Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
