i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
