It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
