if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
