well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
