Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
