I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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