So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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