plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
