Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
