Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
