you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
