I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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