I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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