At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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