She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Drake has all the answers
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
