Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
