I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
