he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
