I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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