it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
