She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
