Will you blow on my dice?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
