before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
