I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sarcasm needs its own font
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
