The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
