we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
