Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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