When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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