why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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