You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
