can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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