the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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