dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
