Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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