K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
