Is it normal to miss your booty call?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize