3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
