I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
