she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
