she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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