is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
