is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
