when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
