Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
