At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
