if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
pray to the hookup gods
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
