What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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