i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
