Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
