I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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