if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
