i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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