I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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