I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
