Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
