that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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