I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
