Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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