I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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