and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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