Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
