I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
